Category Archives: Family Issues

Is Your Child Ready for School?

Jane Jimenez

Jane Jimenez

August 27, 2004

She is a precious little girl posing for the camera with lunch box in hand.  Her short brown hair curves inward, a wisp blowing around her full cheeks to touch her dimple.

In the background, her friend watches by the bus as mom finishes snapping the photo.  It’s the first day of school, and you feel this mother’s anxiety as her baby heads off for first grade.

The picture accompanies an article that is a must-read for parents of young children.  It offers a list of homework assignments for parents to complete if they want to make sure their children are ready for school:

  • Review and update immunizations.
  • Take care of doctor appointments (e.g. braces) that will interfere with school.
  • Get rid of junk food.  Stock up on healthy snacks.
  • Make sure school programs offer gym activities…and that your child participates.
  • Set up a space and time to review homework with your child.
  • Monitor bedtimes to ensure enough sleep.
  • Review your child’s daily trip to and from school and be alert to dangers to avoid.
  • Connect with other parents and school friends to form support systems.
  • Lay out a plan for hours when you are absent and your child is at home.

The article is also a must-read for parents of teens.  Read through the list again.  Are you surprised to realize that each of these suggestions is also required to ensure a healthy, happy school year for our teens?

How quickly we grow comfortable with our teen’s independence, assuming they can operate without us! It’s an easy pattern for both parents and teens to fall into.

This is a great time for parents and their teens to regroup and renew their connection with each other.  The start of a new school year is a new beginning…new clothes, new backpacks, fresh paper and pencils…and a perfect time for high school “kids” to share time with mom and dad.

Research proves that the involvement of parents with their teenagers is the single most important factor in protecting them from involvement with drugs, tobacco, and sex.  Your teens need you.  And they’re the last ones to let you know.

In her book EPIDEMIC, Dr. Meg Meeker sounds a wakeup call to parents about the devastating sexual epidemic threatening the health and welfare of our young people.  She writes, “I believe that, as parents, we simply run out of steam.  Or we back out of our kids’ lives fearing we’re being too oppressive, overbearing, or overprotective.”

It doesn’t have to be that way.  The good news is that the teen world has a lot to offer both teens and their parents.

Dr. Meeker tells us, “If you want to develop connectedness with your teen, start by getting to know the world he lives in.  Where he goes at night and who comes home with him after school.  Who his friends are, what they do when they’re together, and what he likes, dislikes, his dreams, wishes, and wants.”

Take your teen out for sodas.  Arrange a family bowling night.  Make banana splits together for dessert.  Sell pop with the parent club at the football game snack bar.  Pick something, anything, and do it together.  You will be building a safety net to help protect your teens during their high school years.

The first day of school is a great time to reassess and establish new patterns…five years old or fifty years old…for both our children and us!  You are the key ingredient to your child’s success, whether it is in first grade or twelfth grade.  Start now and make the most of it.

Is your child ready for school?  If you are, then he is.  Have a great year…both of you!

 

Meg Meeker, M.D., EPIDEMIC: How Teen Sex Is Killing Our Kids, Washington, D.C.: Lifeline Press, 2002.

See Archives for past editorials.

The Marrying Kind

Jane Jimenez

Jane Jimenez

August 6, 2004

James Bond epitomizes the modern manly hero, all about love and nothing about marrying.  Big screen or small screen, Hollywood romance bypasses the altar and goes straight for the bedroom.

This is hardly new.  Since the dawn of human history, the foot-loose and fancy-free male has always been a part of the landscape.  What has changed in today’s world is his apparent total lack of interest in “settling down” in front of the homestead hearth with wife and children…a family.

Bond is not alone in his quest for independence.  Everything in America seeks to convince us that marriage is an anachronism, like scuffed shoes thrown in the back of the closet waiting to be tossed out with the next spring cleaning.  Why would any young person, especially a young man, want to get married, we ask ourselves.

A recent study has tackled that very question.  And it has given us both surprising and encouraging information about the marriage goals of the modern male.  Its conclusion?  “Most men are ‘the marrying kind.’”

The study underwritten by the National Marriage Project looked at men ages 25 to 34 who were married or who planned to get married.  What were they looking for in marriage?  Why did they get married?  Did they find what they were looking for?  Were they happy?

Yes, the study reports, they are happy.  “The overwhelming majority of married men (94 percent) say that they are happier being married than being single.”

As we might expect, the men say that marriage has helped them become more financially stable.  But they also have a lesson or two to teach Bond.  Because in spite of Bond’s on-screen dalliances for sexual pleasure, seventy-three percent of the married men in the study said that “their sex life is better since getting married.”

In general, life improves for men when they marry, setting them on the road to healthier and more productive lives.  Marriage is a “transformative event.”

Men benefit from marriage, and so do the rest of us.  We benefit from men who set aside risk-taking lives to adopt higher levels of accountability, sacrifice, and commitment toward their wives…and toward their children.

Marriage is good for men.  Indeed, marriage is good for everyone.  Married men who commit to loving and supporting the mothers of their children form a foundation for the future health and happiness of the next generation.

Thankfully, the “Marrying Kind of Men” are at the forefront of efforts to define and defend marriage.  Matt Daniels, president of the Alliance for Marriage, experienced firsthand the hardship of living without his father.  Daniels’s mother, abandoned by her husband, was unable to leave crime-ridden Harlem, where she and Matt were both violently attacked in separate incidents.

Today Daniels leads a broad coalition that works on a wide range of legislative initiatives to give public support to marriages.  The Alliance for Marriage supports efforts to eliminate penalties for welfare recipients who marry, reduce what is often called the “marriage tax'” and make the workplace marriage-friendly.

The work to defend marriage today is no less of a fight to save the world than James Bond’s 1962 mission to save the world from Dr. No.  Daniels and the many other men leading the charge are the real heroes who outpace 007 in courage, character, and vision.

If the world is truly going to survive, it will depend on the faithfulness of these men and those who cheer them on.  We owe our future to the men who sacrifice it all…

…who put it all on the line,

…who are content with the thrills and chills,

…of being husbands and fathers,

…The Marrying Kind.

 

 Last Week’s Question:

Q:  Did Bond ever marry?

A:  James Bond marries La Contessa Tracy de Vincenzo in the movie, On Her Majesty’s Secret Diana Rigg as ContessaService.  But the marriage was short. Tracy was killed by a drive-by shooting on their wedding day. Her character was portrayed by Diana Rigg.

    • Wedding Date: January 1, 1962 at 10:30 a.m.
    • Wedding Location: British Consul General’s drawing room.
    • Planned Honeymoon: Kitzbühel in Austria.

My Friend, Betty

Jane Jimenez

Jane Jimenez

July 23, 2004

“Come on,” Lynetta pressed.

There was precious little time left before curfew in the dorm.  Betty had promised to follow her down to the snack bar where Lynetta planned to “bump into” the latest “cute guy” she had staked out on their college campus in Rochester, New York.

Only minutes later, Lynetta’s mission accomplished, Betty found herself trapped with the group at the snack bar table across from a complete stranger.  John.

The conversation was easy and lively when suddenly the group broke into giggles.  John leaned back in his chair, slapping the table with laughter.  He captured Betty’s heart right then and there.

Unfortunately, as he walked her back to the dorm that night, she was so shy she couldn’t manage to speak.  Looking at his Ohio high school letter jacket, she finally thought of something to say.  “How do you say that?” Conneaut, she pointed to the name of his town.

John was Betty’s first kiss.  In 1960 language, they “made out a lot.”  But they both knew they would not “go all the way.”  They held to those standards for three years, saving sex for married life.

Betty remembers the night John proposed in the car after dinner.  “He was so cute, so nervous.  I can’t imagine that he thought I might say no.”  One year later on June 4, 1966, in a quiet small-town ceremony, John and Betty became Mr. and Mrs. Arthurs.

The Arthurs are in their 50s today, and their children Julie and Rob are each grown and married with children.  John and Betty were very close to them as they grew up.  They could always talk.  About anything.

Both Julie and Rob remained abstinent until their wedding days. Including John and Betty’s parents, the Arthurs have a tradition of abstinence–until-marriage through three generations.

Nobody remembers any pounding lectures about abstinence.  They are a distinctly gentle family, ready to laugh at the silly and embarrassing things every family experiences.  Betty had been a nurse, and household conversations were always frank and honest.  Julie tells her, “Well, I respected myself, and I wanted to make something of myself.”  She married Mike in 1989 at the age of 20 after a one-year courtship.

Her brother Rob met his girlfriend Heather when he was 16, and they married on June 19, 1993.  Rob was 21.  His reason for staying abstinent?  Looking at Mom and Dad, he tells them, “You always trusted us.  We didn’t want to betray your trust.”

My friend Betty, her husband, her parents…and her two grown children…they all have a lot to teach us.

There are those who want us to give up on our children.  They tell us that teaching children to stay abstinent until marriage is a hopeless task.  If we were to believe their gloomy projections, our kids are “going to have sex anyway.”  They hand us a box of condoms, advising us this is the best we can do for our children.

My friend Betty thinks better.

Statistics give us reason to listen to her.  More teens today are choosing to stay abstinent.  Over 54% of high school teens in 2001 have not had sex.[1]  That’s an amazing success story when you consider the social climate for these teens and the steady pressure on them to become sexually active.

It makes one wonder what those statistics would be if adults really believed in our children. We believe kids can say no to drugs…and tobacco…and to drunk driving.  And we back up our message with a culture that gives an uncompromising message that these behaviors are irresponsible and dangerous.

The facts are in about teen sex.  It is dangerous and leads to serious lifelong consequences.  That’s enough reason to consider it irresponsible behavior.  And those are the best reasons possible for parents and teachers to begin to promote and believe in the abstinence message…all of it.  We need to believe in our teens again.

The next time you want to give up, remember my friend Betty.  We will never achieve a goal we fail to set or make a touchdown we don’t work for.  If Betty can do it, and her husband, parents, and children…then maybe we can, too.

 

[1] 2001 Youth Risk Behavior Survey Results, Division of Adolescent and School Health, Center for Disease Control and Prevention.  [http://www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dash/yrbs/data/2001/index.html] at 11/26/03.

MORE ON ABSTINENCE

May 14, 2004:    Order in the Courtroom!

June 4, 2004:     AIDS:  Importing the Cure

See Archives for past editorials.

Why Johnny Can’t Read…or Write…or Count

Jane Jimenez

Jane Jimenez

July 9, 2004

Michelle Malkin, bemoaning a summer program that teaches the poetry of Tupac Shakur to high school students, points to the specifics of why Johnny can’t read.  No one expects him to read.

Her editorial shared space this past week with American father Bill Cosby who has blasted his American black family.  Why can’t Johnny read…or behave?  Because, Mr. Cosby says, no one expects him to.

These two people, Maulkin and Cosby, are addressing the bad fruits of a culture that has planted and watered the wrong tree.  This tree was planted back in the 1960s when I entered Arizona State University to train as a teacher.

When Rudolf Flesch provoked the academic elites in 1955 with his bestseller Why Johnny Can’t Read, people saw the breakdown in education as one of simple methodology:  the “look-say” method of teaching reading versus phonics.  But this debate ignored a greater problem, the changes in basic educational standards.

Black English classes went beyond validating unique cultural sentence structure and dialect when college professors advanced it as an alternative to standard English.  English-as-a-second-language programs mutated into massive bilingual bureaucracies that institutionalized Spanish as an alternative track for children who lost any incentive to move beyond basic functional English.

And it is no surprise that these changes occurred at the same time as America’s pop-psychologists worked to make everyone forever happy.  In a culture that esteems self-esteem, we began to teach children their happiness comes as the result of never being criticized or challenged.  This has had disastrous results in the classroom.

Under a banner of diversity, educators refused to exclude any possible form of communication for fear of hurting someone’s feelings.  Discipline could only be positive.  And as the breakdown of two-parent families gained momentum, homework became optional.

It is no digression, as Mr. Cosby points out, to discuss marriage.  Two-parent families where both Cosby Show Familya mother and father share the responsibilities of raising children are essential to success in the classroom.  Fathers and mothers working together have the energy and resources to lay the basic foundation of respect for education, take children to the library and supervise study time.

Removing Tupac’s poetry from the summer reading list is a start in improving education for our children.  But it’s only a start.

If we want children to read poetry of substance and meaning, the answer involves everyone from teacher to parent to student.  We must unabashedly embrace two-parent families with both mother and father as the optimal environment to support schools and teachers.

Teachers must have students who do their homework.  And when the papers are graded and report cards come out, teachers must have the backing of parents who understand that a “D” in English is evidence that the child is not performing, and not evidence that the “teacher is punishing my baby.”

And if we really want our children to read…and write…and count, we must finally accept that there are general standards of excellence in education that transcend culture and race.  We must have the courage to select the best of human achievement and set it as the standard for our children.

Because we are race-sensitive, criticism of Tupak and his poetry becomes a racial argument, ultimately suggesting that black children aren’t capable of basic standards of literacy because their self-esteem is too fragile to call trash what it is…trash.

It is silly when teachers, if white, are discounted as racists in a culture where it is impolite to suggest that gansta’ rap is anything other than cultural comment.  It is ridiculous when only Hispanics can tell Hispanics that their children must learn proper English in order to succeed.

It is no surprise that good teachers would see Tupak as their “key” to reaching kids. Teachers, lacking a culture of support, try desperately to find some method of getting kids to turn off the video stream and study a spelling list on Friday night.

If we really want to turn things around, we must all get involved.  We need to finally embrace as a culture what it means to be civilized, humane, and dignified…and then teach it to our children.  Most importantly, we must do this together…black, brown, red and white…mothers and fathers.  If we fail to take the lead, we can’t expect our children to follow.

 

See Archives for past editorials.

What If

Jane Jimenez

Jane Jimenez

May 28, 2004

A basket of condoms sits on the counter in many of our nation’s high schools.  Down the hall, educators are busy teaching students how to put condoms on the finger of their partner and assigning them homework to shop with their friends for condoms.  “If your parents would object,” they are told, “don’t tell them.”

Abstinence is mentioned.  It’s a choice.  Then students are told by their teacher, “When you are mature enough to have sex, this is how you do it.”  And she hands them a condom.

COMPREHENSIVE sex education is a modern effort to “help” our children learn about sex.   Yet, as we pour more condoms into the basket, and give students an “A” in condom shopping, there is no clinical evidence to prove the effectiveness of condoms in preventing syphilis, Chlamydia, HPV, or genital herpes.  For teens, condoms have a nearly 20% failure rate in preventing pregnancy.

While parents are worried, the “professionals” pull out roomfuls of research that insists our kids need to have COMPREHENSIVE sex education.  And how could research ever be wrong?

Sometimes it helps to take ten steps backwards and look at things through new glasses in order to see the obvious.  What if we were talking about cigarettes instead of sex?

COMPREHENSIVE Tobacco Education – What If?

Imagine…somewhere in the hallowed halls of governmental programs…

Sarah stared at the reports on her desk.  A major government study had just concluded that kids are still smoking.

Sarah knew the truth of it on a personal level.  Her son Tony complained to her about the bathrooms at his junior high.  He hated to use them because they were a hideout for the kids who smoked.

Maybe this was her chance.  She had been given the special assignment to draft a Comprehensive Tobacco Safety program.  She could make a difference for the teens in America.

Logistics suggested the perfect place to reach all teens would be in the schools, a school-based comprehensive program.  Thinking of the kids at Tony’s school, Sarah knew no matter what she did, no matter what she said, some kids were going to smoke.  Struck by this insight, she turned to the computer and began writing.

“While we know the healthiest choice for teens is to abstain from smoking, we are taking a reality-based approach.  Some kids will insist on smoking, no matter what we say.  In order to gain their attention and reinforce their self-esteem, we will suggest that some people choose abstinence.  Then we will provide lessons for this target group of teen smokers.

“A one-week series of lessons for every student will focus on safe smoking, showing that cigarettes with filters will reduce the risk of lung cancer.  Because many students and their parents smoke, we won’t offend anyone by declaring smoking ‘wrong’ or ‘bad.’  We will simply label it a choice.  We won’t tell teens what to do.  As a values-neutral program, we will suggest that mature people, if they choose to smoke, will make sure to smoke safely.  To this end, we will invite teens to participate in focus groups advising us on the best brands of filtered cigarettes and smokeless tobacco to put in the school’s guidance office.”

Sarah sat back and closed her eyes.  In the quiet, as the clock softly chimed, her eyes popped open in a moment of divine inspiration.  She turned back to the computer. “Government funding will pay tobacco companies to develop and teach this Safe Smoking program!”

With the finished proposal in hand, she walked into her Director’s office.  “Here,” she said, plopping the folder down.  “It’s a comprehensive plan to teach our children about tobacco.  What do you think?”

 

See Archives for past editorials.

 April 16, 2004:   One Stop Shopping