Category Archives: Sex Education

New Year’s Resolution: Another Kind of Diet

Jane Jimenez

Jane Jimenez

December 27, 2004

Is there anything we haven’t eaten in the past week: ham, tamales, potatoes, chocolate, brandy, wine…and…

On the way to eating, there is tasting, munching, nibbling and sipping.  Whatever you call it, the food goes in…and settles in for a long winter’s nap…right around the waist.

One week later, stuffed to the gills, we must face the truth.  A diet is in order.  The belt is tight, and we are too bottom-heavy to lift out of the recliner.  Eating may be natural, but it certainly has its limits.

Guided by New Year’s Resolutions, millions of Americans begin to set boundaries on what we put in our mouth.  We post calorie counts on the refrigerator door, we empty the kitchen of temptation and we carry boxed chocolates to the office.

Indulging at the banquet table comes at a cost.  Anyone laboring to shed a few “holiday pounds” knows the painful and difficult process of “paying for our pleasure.”  Food is only one item on a long list of indulgences…each with a cost.

For the past thirty years, we have winked at sexual indulgences, and our children are paying the price.  An epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases and thousands of children raised by single moms are testimony to the need for a diet of a different kind.

Abstinence education is about more than sex.  It is a diet for the soul.  It is about making the connections for our children between the indulgence and the consequence.  It offers children hope because it tells them they don’t have to pay a price if they can learn restraint.

Abstinence education is about the dreams of our children, about the quality of their lives both now and forever.  It works to give young people the imagination, confidence and tools to fulfill their dreams.  Sex is a part of the dream.  And so is restraint.

Debates over sex education continue to rage.  Millions of dollars are being poured into campaigns to paint abstinence educators as fear-filled, shame-based fools.  After all, one condom-friendly sexpert lectured her audience…sex is natural…like eating.

This was the major point she wanted to make?  A woman with over twenty years experience in teaching our children about sex?

She turned to face an abstinence teacher and lashed out in her most indignant voice.  “We want our children to celebrate sex.  We don’t need them to be fearful and filled with shame.  We want them to feel at home with their sexuality.  After all, sex is perfectly natural.”

She smiled…smugly.  She had trumped any challenge to acting on a sexual urge.  Well…after thirty years of reassuring our children that sex is natural, these sexperts have achieved their goal…and more.

No fear and no shame…this goes a long way to explain Superbowl XXXVIII and its international show of bumping and grinding center stage…pelvic thrusts set to music…complete with one naked breast.  Not to mention MTV.  And this sexpert wants us to believe the most pressing thing to teach our children is that sex is natural?

Eating is natural.  But it is only healthy when it is managed, limited, and held inside the bounds of medical realities by exercising self control.  Eating is not to be feared.  But it is to be restrained.  If not, why bother with New Year’s Resolutions?

Sex, just like dining at a banquet table filled with delectable dishes, is a passion best enjoyed when boundaries are observed.  Natural desires have natural consequences.  This is the truth from which we build New Year’s Resolutions…both for the kitchen and for the bedroom.

No fear.  No shame.  Teaching our children restraint is not about teaching shame.  Restraint is their ultimate liberation from the very real fear of paying a consequence more severe than a few extra holiday pounds around the waist.

Our children need more than the simplistic reassurance that sex is natural.  They need the perfection of nature’s ultimate truth:  Our greatest hopes and dreams are more often than not fulfilled with a simple resolution of self-control made…and kept.

Happy New Year.

April 16, 2004:   One Stop Shopping

April 30, 2004:  Condoms: A Failure to Protect

May 28, 2004:   What If

See Archives for past editorials.

 

Waxman Report: He Got What He Paid For

Jane Jimenez

Jane Jimenez

December 3, 2004

With great fanfare, this week Congressman Henry Waxman (D-Ca) released a report on sex education, “The Content of Federally Funded Abstinence-Only Education Programs.”  It purports to be an analysis of abstinence programs.

After poring through the 26-page document with a yellow highlighter, it became clear that “The Report” is the tip of an iceberg.  And as with all icebergs, the most tantalizing parts of the report lie under the water, out of sight, and unreported by mainstream news.  Get ready to take some depth soundings on what lies below.  It’s not a pretty sight.

Sounding One:  Henry Waxman ordered the report.  Why?  Because he wanted to.  Waxman’s own paid staff prepared the report…for their boss…who hires and fires them.

Sounding  Two:  Henry Waxman already knew what he wanted the report to say before he ordered it.  Since first elected in 1974, he has amassed a sizable and telling voting record.  Waxman receives a 100 percent rating from Planned Parenthood, NARAL, and NOW…earned for his steadfast support of abortion on demand and without restriction and of same-sex marriage.

“On the votes that the Planned Parenthood considered to be the most important from 1995 to 2001,” says Vote-Smart.org, “Representative Waxman voted their preferred position 100 percent of the time.”  Planned Parenthood has, from the beginning, stood vehemently in opposition to abstinence education funded by Congress and spends thousands of dollars each year lobbying against it.

Sounding Three:  As we dive lower into darker waters, reading “The Report” in the dim light…don’t expect any further information from Waxman or his staff.  They aren’t talking.  Well…you can call their media person…and IF she calls you back…well…I’m still waiting.

Sounding Four:  We are in the dark waters now, where it’s easy to hide an iceberg behind thick oily slicks of footnotes.  Indeed, at times in “The Report” there are more footnotes than report.  But we live in an age where it is possible to fill two pages with footnotes in defense of adults having sex with children.  We must keep our eyes on the berg.  What is “The Report” really about?

“The Report” claims a “scarcity of comprehensive sex education courses” and links this to lack of funding.  Hmmm.  What about the reported $254 million in government grants and contracts to Planned Parenthood for 2002-2003?  Or the $288 million in abortion/health clinic income for the same period?  Did the report attempt to identify funding streams that direct money to Planned Parenthood and others, available for their condom-based sex education?  I called Waxman’s office to inquire…and left a message…I’m still waiting.

“The Report” attempts to “prove” abstinence education is ineffective.  Yet, Douglas Kirby, the expert cited in their own footnotes gave a lengthy presentation in Phoenix last September which may surprise Waxman.  Dr. Kirby says we have no reason to conclude that abstinence programs don’t work.  Reiterating what he has said many times over the years, Kirby said, “The jury is still out.”  In fact, he said he expects in the coming years that studies will demonstrate the effectiveness of abstinence education.

“The Report” literally drips with research citations on every page.  Yet, they missed a few…the ones that demonstrate success of abstinence education programs in Denmark, SC and in Monroe County, NY.  Maybe they missed these and other studies…or maybe they wanted to miss reports on the successes of abstinence education.

“The Report” goes to great lengths to “explain” condoms.  Why?  In 2001, the National Institutes of Health (NIH) in conjunction with the CDC, released a detailed summary report on a comprehensive review of condom research. The panel of medical experts finally demonstrated the lack of evidence for broad “safe-sex” claims based on condoms.  Anyone working to unravel the truth about condoms would do well to bypass Waxman’s obfuscation and check the NIH report.

“The Report” claims some programs are inaccurate in linking pregnancy to “touching another person’s genitals.”  However, they fail to note that abstinence educators have had to undo the long list of lies associated with some condom-based programs.  These programs have gone so far as to coin the term “outercourse”…versus intercourse…teaching students in contradiction to medical realities that any and all “outercourse” is fun and safe, including naked body to body eroticism, just short of actual intercourse.

“The Report” objects to abstinence programs and their views of “when life begins.”  Waxman’s staff might be enlightened by a text, The Developing Human: Clinically Oriented Embryology, 6th Edition:  “Human development begins at fertilization.”  Of course, this might be a disturbing revelation for Waxman and his supporters who have no problem with partial birth abortion, the destruction of babies just nano-seconds from birth.

“The Report” objects to information about “the physical and psychological effects of legal abortion.”  Hmmm.  Waxman’s staff gives no credence to any negative impact of abortion discussed by abstinence educators. So…are the only effects of abortion positive?  I’d like to talk with his staff about that one…if they ever call back.

“The Report” objects to abstinence program efforts to discuss male/female differences and marriage.  And here is where we hit the crux of many an objection to abstinence education from people like Waxman.  Linking healthy sex, with healthy male/female relationships inside of marriage, where having babies is a joyful occasion…planned or unplanned…this is an affront to those who would want our children to embrace same-sex sex and same-sex marriage.

In a report that claims to seek and destroy “errors and distortions”, this short list of errors and distortions is unforgivable.  Somehow, though, I doubt Waxman or his staff are seeking forgiveness.

I think they are seeking what they got…“The Report”…a mass of errors and distortions constructed by people who knew what they wanted to find before they looked.

No wonder Waxman is touting “The Report” with such enthusiasm.  He got what he paid for.

 

See Archives for past editorials.

March 26, 2004:   Abstinence: The Real Deal

April 2, 2004:  Sex Education: Spinning the Truth

 

Only

Jane Jimenez

Jane Jimenez

August 13, 2004

Abstinence only?

So what comes to mind when you hear abstinence only?  Do you see fields of ostriches all with their fluffy feather fannies in the air and their heads burrowed deep into desert sand?  If so, you have bought the big lie…the lie that says abstinence “only” is about ignorance.

Only abstinence?  Fanning the flames of fear, opponents of abstinence education paint a picture of repressed prudes pointing fingers…wagging fingers…and saying over and over again, “No, no, no, don’t do it…abstain, abstain, abstain.”

Oh, the power of a four-letter word.  ONLY.  This is the thing.  ONLY.  This four letter word is at the heart of a vast fear-based campaign against abstinence education.

Should parents be afraid of abstinence-only sex education?  Well…only if they don’t know what only means when someone says abstinence only.

Abstinence educators teach that abstinence is the only 100 percent effective method of preventing pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, STDs.  Did you year it?  ONLY?

If not, it’s worth repeating: Abstinence is the only 100 percent effective method of preventing pregnancy and STDs.

Even the condom companies print this warning on their condom packages.  Condoms fail.  Manufacturers offer no money-back guarantees to anyone who puts their fate in their candy-flavored, color-coded condoms.

Abstinence educators know this.  For this reason they believe in reinforcing this truth with information about sex…yes, sex.  Abstinence educators talk about sex.  All the time.

In a reality-based approach, these educators help parents by delivering the truth to our children about the risks of sex.  And the joy of sex.

Yes, abstinence educators talk about the joy of sex that comes when students save sex for a committed marriage.  They tell our children that they don’t have to be one of the statistics.  If only young people will commit to abstinence before marriage, they will not be sentenced to a life of genital herpes…like the one in five of Americans over the age of twelve who are currently infected.

They point out that genital herpes is only one of over 25 sexually transmitted diseases that are part of the current epidemic of STDs.  This is not “fear-based” information.  This is the medically accurate information teens and parents need to have in order to consider intelligent choices about sex.

Abstinence educators aren’t embarrassed or afraid to talk about the value of sex.  Yes, they tell our children, sex has value for your life.  It is not a recreation designed to cure boredom or to boost your popularity.

Abstinence educators talk about the beautiful freedom of having sex with a husband or wife who will be there in a committed relationship.  They discuss the common sense notion that marriage is the first step of family planning, when pregnancy can be celebrated and enjoyed.

They care enough about our children to analyze the lies and distortions of everyday television hits like Friends where a cast of six men and women engage in nine years of casual sex and never get an abortion or an STD.  Amazing!  If ONLY it were true!

Are these facts you want your children to understand?  If so, abstinence educators are your best friends.  This is not only an opinion.  It is supported by research.

Research proves that the single most effective force for helping children remain sexually abstinent is parents.  You!  The parent!  This matters a lot to abstinence educators.  They take your values seriously and work hard to reinforce your values with information and truth.

Abstinence education.  It is not only a message to abstain.  It is a comprehensive message based on medically accurate information about the beauty of sex and planning your life to enjoy sex to the fullest…free from worries about pregnancy and disease.

The next time someone comes at you waving a flock of ostrich feathers and shrieking “ONLY abstinence”, remember what the “only” means.  If you want your children to avoid pregnancy and STDs before meeting and marrying the love of their life…abstinence is the only guarantee.

Yes…the ONLY guarantee!

 

More on abstinence:

March 26, 2004:    Abstinence the Real Deal

April 2, 2004:  Sex Education: Spinning the Truth

See Archives for past editorials.

Condoms: A Failure to Protect

April 30, 2004

Apparently, there are not enough condoms in America’s schools.  And there is a group intent on fixing the problem.

They will soon introduce the “Putting Prevention First Act” in Congress.  Prevention first?  Promoting condoms?  Where have these people been during the past ten years?

They need to check with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).  In June 2000, the CDC worked with experts from around the country to examine all major research on condom effectiveness.  The results of this study exploded the claims that condoms are a “safe sex” approach.

In fact, the CDC study detailed a long history of condoms and their failure to protect.  It finally nailed down the facts that document why we are in the midst of a raging epidemic of STDs.  For one thing, virus and bacteria live on the body outside areas covered by the condom.  Even the body contact required to put on a condom can spread STD infections.

Condoms, even if used consistently and correctly, fail to secure the health of our children.  Don’t take my word for it.

Ask the CDC.  Their fact sheet spells it out, “No protective method is 100 percent effective, and condom use cannot guarantee absolute protection against any STD.”

Today, serious and lifelong STD infections run rampant.  One such STD, human papilloma virus (HPV) is the primary cause for over 99% of all cervical cancer.  What does that mean to you and your children?

More women die each year from cervical cancer than from AIDS.  Cervical cancer occurs in approximately 13,000 women every year in the United States, and kills almost 5,000 American women yearly.  Many of these are young women…in the prime of their life…mothers who leave behind husbands and children.

Five to six million Americans become infected with genital HPV every year. Twenty million Americans are currently infected with the virus, and another 80 million have been infected at some time in the past. This means that 75 percent of sexually active Americans are or have previously been infected.

HPV is only the first STD on a very long list of failures of the condom to protect the health of sexually active people.  Certainly, Americans need prevention.  And we need it now.  But what exactly is “prevention”?

Ask the CDC.  They spell it out on their fact sheet.  “The surest way to avoid transmission of sexually transmitted diseases is to abstain from sexual intercourse, or to be in a long-term mutually monogamous relationship with a partner who has been tested and you know is uninfected.”

We have had over thirty years of condom education, condom distribution and condom reassurance.  One organization promoting condoms to our children received over $240 million dollars from the government in 2001-2002 and expended $40.7 million for sex education.

Today, do we need to throw good money after bad?  Do we need really need more government money to teach our children the intricacies of using a condom that will fail to protect them?

Sure.  Let’s put prevention first.  But anyone who is serious about sex and prevention will not be fooled into wishful thinking about condoms.  They will stand for truth.  Research proves that condoms do not offer the kind of protection that will keep our children safe.

If we really believe prevention comes first, we will take the time to get our facts straight.  And we will deliver the facts in an uncompromising message that our children hear.

Prevention first, second, third and fourth means exactly one thing.  Healthy sex belongs inside a marriage commitment between two people who will love each other for a lifetime.

See April 2, 2004:  Sex Education: Spinning the Truth

One Stop Shopping

April 16, 2004

Comprehensive sex education…it’s being sold all over America.  The best thing about comprehensive sex education, we parents are told, is that it teaches our children everything.   That’s right…everything.

It teaches children how to say no…and then it teaches them that they can pleasure each other with mutual masturbation.

It teaches children how to say no…and then it teaches them how to put on a condom.

It teaches children to ask their parents…and then it hands them the address to the nearest clinic where they can get birth control and abortions without telling their parents.

It teaches children that some people save sex until marriage…and then it teaches children that marriage isn’t for everyone.

What is the true message comprehensive sex education gives our teens?  This is only clear when put into context with a real child.

In my first interview with an expert who had been teaching comprehensive sex education for over thirteen years, I came to the end of the hour totally perplexed.  “Safe sex”, perfect use, neutral values, healthy attitudes?  In a moment of frustration, I asked this expert about “my Daughter Debbie.”  What if “Daughter Debbie” sat in on your sex education class?

It’s a simple question, and I have tagged it the Ultimate Test Question for all sex education programs.  If you want to know what all the fancy talk and clever rationales mean, just ask someone about “your own Daughter Debbie.”

13-year-old Daughter Debbie

OK, so, what do you really teach?

What if my 13-year-old Daughter Debbie sat through all of your lessons on sex education and came to you as you were packing to leave with this question:

My boyfriend is at the high school.  He’s 16, and we’ve been talking about having sex.  It seems like if we use a condom we’ll be safe.  I’ve talked it over with some of my friends, and they’re already having sex.  We’re mature.  We know what we’re doing.  Everyone says if we use a condom that we’ll be safe.  I’m thinking I’m going to go ahead…What do you think?

In every interview with every adult who teaches comprehensive sex education, I have concluded with this question.  Not one of these adults would express any opinion to Debbie in answering her question.

At best, several said they would do a quick re-run of all the lessons and options presented.  They might encourage her to talk with “someone she trusts.”  I suggested that Debbie had chosen them as a trustworthy person.  They said she needed someone else.  I mentioned her boyfriend and her girlfriends.  Well…they paused.  And silence set in.

Thinking perhaps I had caught them off-guard, I suggested a possible response:  “As gently and quietly as possible, what if you told Debbie that ultimately she would have to make up her own mind, but that since she had asked you, you would have to say you would not recommend having sex at this point in her life.  Could you tell her that?”

“No,” came the quick reply each time.  “We don’t teach values.”

Most of these educators had been in “the business” for more than ten years.

Consider this additional fact concerning Daughter Debbie.  At 13, she and her sixteen year-old-boyfriend are considering the kind of sex called statutory rape in many states.

Can we really call it conscionable sex education to deny her the wisdom of our counsel—especially when she asks us?  “No, Debbie, I do not believe it is wise for you to begin having sex with your boyfriend.  Can I offer you some help in dealing with this problem?”

One stop shopping that sells children anything they want at any time in their lives is the core of the problem with sex education in America.  If we fail to place a value on sex, if we fail to discriminate between appropriate and inappropriate, if we fail to make value judgments, then we have no reason to be surprised when our children become pregnant and infected with STDs.

One stop shopping…educators who give our children a free pass to do whatever they want when they feel they are ready to do whatever they want…and educators who give them the tools to do it…are they part of the solution…or part of the problem?

One stop shopping…if we tell Daughter Debbie that she can buy anything in the store whenever she wants and that we will write the check for her…then we shouldn’t be surprised if she buys sex with her boyfriend.