April 2, 2004

 Abstinence is an idea as old as the hills. We know abstinence works. It prevents unwanted pregnancies. We know you won’t come down with any of the 25 common STDs if you abstain from sex. So what’s wrong with abstinence?

Everything? That’s right. Some people are working to convince parents that abstinence education is unpopular, unrealistic, and unsafe.

Unsafe? That’s right. Some people claim that abstinence education is a two-minute lecture delivered by an uptight prude: Don’t do it. Just don’t do it. Say NO. And don’t ever, ever do it.

What we need, critics of abstinence cry out, is truth. We need medically accurate information. We need to talk about sex. Our kids need to know how to stay safe. They need more information than just saying No. They need the truth.

Truth? Consider that the abstinence teacher often spends as many as five to ten hours in one classroom. What are they talking about? Well, actually, they have quite a lot to talk about, and it’s just the kind of no-nonsense medically accurate information that could save a teen from the biggest mistake of her life.

How about these facts:

Medically accurate information proves the ineffectiveness of condoms in preventing serious STDs leading to infertility, lifelong genital herpes, and cervical cancer. Cervical cancer kills more women each year than AIDS. With teens, condoms approach a twenty percent failure rate in preventing pregnancy.

Meanwhile, critics of abstinence want to take over with their own brand of risky sex education. Their brand of truth ignores medical realities, suggesting that teens can flirt with sex and not get burned. What does risky sex look like? Try these ideas out:

Risky sex educators’ version of sex education counsels teens to try “outercourse.” This highly risky behavior, using their own definition, can include naked body-to-body intimacy just short of intercourse.

Risky sex educators put their version of “abstinence” into a virtual smorgasbord of sexual behaviors that teens can engage in…when they are ready. In their curriculum, abstinence is little more than an “option” that teens may abandon…when they are mature.

Research proves parents are the most effective educators of sexual values for their children. In spite of this, risky sex educators use “confidentiality” as a means of promoting secrecy that distances teens from their parents.

Best of all, risky sex educators are engaged in an all out attack on the money that supports abstinence education. They print articles and lobby legislators and governors. “Stop abstinence education,” is their battle cry.

So what kind of money are we talking about? While risky sex educators are concerned that $120 million is being spent on abstinence programs, it is reported that in FY 2002, the federal government spent half a billion dollars on teen sex-ed that ignores the medical realities of condom failures. We are paying risky sex educators to teach our children such “safe sex” concepts as outercourse.

What do parents get for their money? The “statistical results” of thirty years of the condom, outercourse, and “mature sex” message is evident. Today, one in five children over the age of 12 tests positive for herpes type 2.

What has happened to choice? Abstinence is an important option and choice parents deserve. It reinforces parental values by giving students truly medically accurate information to help them understand the importance of remaining sexually abstinent until marriage.

Abstinence education embraces the same no-nonsense, truth-telling approach we use in teaching young people about drugs, tobacco and drunk driving

It is a grassroots effort that has taken hold over the past ten years, fully supported by medical experts who have witnessed the explosion of the STD epidemic in their medical practices. During this same period of time, as abstinence education gains ground, the CDC in an extensive report just released says teen pregnancy, birth and abortion rates dropped from 1990 to 1999.

Abstinence educators know what our kids need. They talk medically accurate information. They give our children the information and reasons for saying No to sex. They know what risk is about, and they are not willing to put one cent into pretending that “outercourse” is a good idea. And that’s the truth.

March 26, 2004

There is a heated battle going on in Arizona, a fight for money.

On one side, a million dollars sit in Washington, packed and ready for Arizona.  This million is designated to go to educators around the state who teach our children about sexual abstinence until marriage.

On the other side, there is a strong campaign to keep those dollars in Washington and let them grow mold.  And the strange thing about this campaign is that its organizers insist that they believe in the value of sexual abstinence.

“Don’t let them teach your children abstinence,” they keep shouting.  “We teach abstinence!  You don’t need them.  You need us!”

What does it matter who teaches our children?

What’s the big deal?  When talking about abstinence, what separates the million dollar abstinence from the regular old everyday variety of abstinence?  It’s a hard question to think about when we’re talking about sex.

It’s an easy question to answer when we talk about football.  Yes, football.

This is the time of year when grown men cry.  Hearts sink.  Dreams fade.  As the last sixty seconds tick off the play clock, one side of the field is a sight of celebration.  On the other side of the field, grown men hang their heads and come to terms with a broken dream.

So what’s the big deal?  It’s just a game.  And it’s just a silly football.  So what if you lose.  Not everybody can win.  In fact, everyone is going to eventually lose.  If you just prepared for losing, it wouldn’t be so hard.

Why don’t coaches have at least one session where players watch game films of teams who know how to lose with a smile?  How about a sideline coach on losing?  When you fumble the ball, you can sit with the coach and have him remind you it’s no big deal.  It’s just a game.

Sound ridiculous? Of course, it does. We know the point of playing football.  Losing happens.  But we plan to win.  It may be just a game.  But winning is the goal.  We set a goal, we train for the goal, and we believe in the goal.

The “million dollar” abstinence teachers are like the best NFL coaches.  They believe that sexual abstinence until marriage is a worthy goal.  They offer the medically accurate information that proves the inability of condoms to protect our children from serious life-long STDs.  They tell our children the truth that condoms approach a 20 percent failure rate with young people in preventing pregnancy.

“Million dollar” abstinence teachers are not afraid to stand on an uncompromising message that sexual abstinence until marriage is worth a million dollars.  They know most children dream of a future where they can enjoy a happy, loving marriage and one day raise a family.

“Million dollar” teachers set about coaching and planning to reach that goal.  They believe in children and their capacity to succeed.  They coach, mentor, encourage, and cheer for our children…just like the best of the NFL coaches.  They refuse to sidetrack their lessons with lessons on how to fail and enjoy it.

There is another way to teach abstinence.  It is possible to tell children that abstinence is hard to do, that not everyone can be abstinent, and that in fact, if you do it “responsibly,” losing at abstinence can actually be fun and “somewhat safe.”  It is possible to tell children that “mature” people have sex, and that when our children are ready to be “mature” they will put abstinence behind them.  Marriage?  Well, it’s not for everybody.

Currently, many millions of dollars are paying the teachers who make “losing at abstinence” look like fun.  If we really want our kids to succeed at staying sexually abstinent until marriage, we should be willing to put a fair share of money behind those teachers who consider abstinence a worthy goal and are willing to coach our kids to win.

There are many ways to “talk about” abstinence with our children.  But not all of them are worth a million dollars.  Abstinence as a goal–winning at abstinence–that’s the real deal.